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<title>Whistle While You Work, Deadpool Is A Jerk by MissMoochy</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24936511">Whistle While You Work, Deadpool Is A Jerk</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMoochy/pseuds/MissMoochy'>MissMoochy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man/Deadpool - Joe Kelly (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Deadpool being Deadpool, M/M, Random &amp; Short, Short One Shot, Surprise Kissing, Teasing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:07:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>820</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24936511</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMoochy/pseuds/MissMoochy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter doesn't know why Deadpool is so fascinated with Spider-Man, but he wished the merc wouldn't bother him when he's patrolling.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Peter Parker/Wade Wilson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>157</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Whistle While You Work, Deadpool Is A Jerk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>One thing Peter hated about his spider-sense was that it didn’t work as well with friends as foes. A friend from college could be standing right behind him in line at the pharmacist and Peter wouldn’t even know, until he felt that tap on his shoulder and a friendly: “Hey, Peter?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So when he walking through a filthy alleyway, keeping an eye out for signs of danger, he didn’t notice the figure behind him until they cleared their throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, webs! Are you patrolling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The voice was familiar and Peter bit back a groan. Deadpool, the infuriating mercenary who insisted on sticking to Peter like gum on the underside of a desk. He’d become aware of Deadpool’s presence in the city a few months ago, and annoyingly, it seemed like Deadpool was a fan of Peter and happy to follow him around like a murderous puppy. When you combined that with all the crude sex jokes, Deadpool was a walking headache.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want, Deadpool?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s no way to address a fellow superhero.” God, why did the guy have to occupy so much space? He practically filled the alleyway, casting a dark shadow that looked a lot more impressive than Peter’s paltry form.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not super and you’re certainly not a hero.” Peter told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have superpowers which means </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m </span>
  </em>
  <span>a superhero.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Semantics.” Peter snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Semen antics? Sounds good, sign me up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you like to call yourself an antihero? Look, I don’t have time for this, I got to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nuh-uh, there’s a toll in this alley,” Deadpool said and tapped the bottom half of his mask. “Two kisses.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not playing games, Deadpool.” He wouldn’t use might against the man if he could help it, but if this big idiot wouldn’t budge, then Peter had no reservations about webbing him to a wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deadpool folded his arms impressively over his barrel chest. “Yeah, well, neither am I. Kiss kiss?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Deadpool, I’m tired and I’ve got stuff to do, just let me go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tsk, okay, you drive a hard bargain, Spidey. </span>
  <em>
    <span>One</span>
  </em>
  <span> kiss, just one sweet kiss and I’ll let you go--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was losing patience at this point. “Deadpool!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Spider-Man!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck</span>
  <em>
    <span> off!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Peter shoved him, hard, and Deadpool fell back, stumbling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw, kitten, don’t be so mean. I’d hate to have to declaw you.” Suddenly, Deadpool’s hands were gripping Peter’s wrists faster than he could react, and he struggled, broke the grip easily but once he was free, he realised his wrists felt lighter, unburdened. Deadpool spun one web-slinger around his finger like a fidget spinner.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>The sight of his beloved web-slingers in those huge hands was wrong, so very wrong, and Peter’s fingers curled into fists, preparing himself for the possibility that he might need to overpower the mutant. The web slingers looked tiny in Deadpool’s hands -- he could crush one if he wanted, crumple it up like a polystyrene cup.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you can be a good boy, I’ll give you your toys back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Give them to me, NOW!” He was using Spider-Man’s voice, not Peter Parker’s but Deadpool seemed unbothered. The merc didn’t make any move to hand them over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm...no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Give them!” Peter lunged but Deadpool easily dodged him and oh, God, this was</span>
  <em>
    <span> so</span>
  </em>
  <span> humiliating, he held them above Peter’s head. Peter had always wished he was just a tiny bit taller but now, he felt smaller than ever. He felt like a dorky kid who’d just had his lunch money taken from him by the school bully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kiss me first!”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fine. If that’s what it takes.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Peter grabbed at Deadpool’s neck. Not bothering to restrain his super strength and Deadpool made a satisfying grunt of pain, the force of Peter’s grip making him bend at the waist. Peter smashed his mouth to Deadpool’s, or rather, to where he assumed his mouth was, and knew he’d found it when his lips encountered something soft and pliable and not the hard jaw beneath. Deadpool froze, his arms sagging down, the web-slingers dangling harmlessly from his fingers and Peter broke the kiss. And snatched them back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Spidey?” Deadpool said softly, all traces of humour absent from his voice. Peter realised that he hadn’t expected Peter to kiss him at all. It was merely one of his idiotic Deadpool jokes, a way to get under Peter’s skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter stepped back and mercifully, Deadpool didn’t follow him although that red and black mask was clearly tracking every movement Peter made. He slotted his slingers back on his wrists, breathing hard through his mask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should...I still have an hour of patrolling left, so --” He snapped out an arcing web that found purchase on the roof of the building next door and scaled up it, moving fast, had to get away from Deadpool and his stupid mask and the feel of his lips and --</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Spidey, wait…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Peter fled and Deadpool didn’t follow.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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